The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
