dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
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