how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
