People with herpes should wear stickers.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
