3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
