the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
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