You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
