matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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