I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
im about as happy as oj after his trial
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Randomize
