i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Randomize
