I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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