and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Randomize
