Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
