dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Randomize
