I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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