I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
