we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Randomize
