Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
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