But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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