Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Randomize
