every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
