Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Randomize
