It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Randomize
