I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
