we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Randomize
