I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
I faked an abortion last night.
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
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