hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Randomize
