looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize
