We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
