Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
Randomize
