You're a womanizer and a bitch.
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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