Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Randomize
