i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
I don't think brook has ever known best
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Randomize
