So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
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