Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
