im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
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