I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
I need water and some morals
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
