Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
