just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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