OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
Randomize
