Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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