I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
