Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
