Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
