u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
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