saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
