you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
Randomize
