My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
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