Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Randomize
