the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
whose ass print is on the piano?
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
