his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
