I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Randomize
