I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
